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The term ‘intermediate self’ is used because the heavenly and spiritual traits in us, which belong to the Lord alone, supply us with an internal self, as shown earlier. Our rational processes, on the other hand, supply us with an intermediate self, or one midway between internal and external. And our responses to goodness, and the facts in our memory, create an external self for us…
The reason that reproducing and multiplying have to do with the intermediate self—the rational self—is that we do not feel the operation of the internal self except in a very general way, at that intermediate level. A single general impression or even a comprehensive general impression is created in our intermediate self by a boundless number of individual components. Just how far beyond counting they are, what they are like, and how they create a dim, general impression can be seen from the demonstration offered earlier at §545. (Secrets of Heaven 1015)
Going with the language of the passages quoted, if I’m having good thoughts, true ideas or good feelings, that’s not me experiencing the internal self—that’s me receiving influx from it into my intermediate self. This is a revelation to me, that if I’m feeling these things, then the goodness and truth that live in the internal self actually have already made the trip to my intermediate self! The connection is there and open or I wouldn’t be feeling those things. That’s a comforting thought.
Let me draw you a scene: We’re at our little, wooden dinner table. There are toys strewn about on the wooden floor. It’s dinner time. The sun has set in the cold winter sky and the shades are drawn in our warm dining room. We’re all hungry and just sitting down to the meal at hand. Kids are yelling, melting down, and I’m grumpy, bursting with short-tempered directives, all the while having negative thoughts about myself and the situation because of it. Hit pause. Take a step back, a step deeper within my mind—who’s noticing all this going on? That level is where freedom resides, and truth, and love, and forgiveness.
Here’s what I mean: I’ve been going through a phase of concealment and confusion about truth, and with that I’ve gotten confused about God. I ask, “Where’s God?” And I experience him off in the distance, outside of myself, far away, and ultimately unreachable. I feel like I call out to him in prayer but the sound can’t reach him ←This is not God of course, but my distorted idea of God when I’m in a not-so-heavenly state. This God steadily begins to take on rather hellish qualities until he becomes unloving and condemning, i.e. not the Lord at all, but hell.
I’m left feeling disconnected, lost and alone. But I remember the line, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). Where is this refuge? And how do I get there?
How? It’s through others. Connecting with others—even just one other person, because “where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). What does it mean to be in the Lord’s name? For me in this instance it means a state of humility: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart—These, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:17). I couldn’t be writing this right now if I hadn’t had the several supportive conversations with close friends and mentors that I did over the past week. I felt lost and I reached out to friends for help. I reached out to others. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Psalm 46 is written in the first person plural: “God is our refuge and strength…the Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge” (1,7). We find our way back to God through our connection with others.
But where does this way lead to? Where is this refuge? Where is God’s presence when I’m in trouble? Later in the same Psalm it reads, “There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn” (4-5). Through others I get redirected within, to find the Lord’s presence where it has always been and always will be: in the internal self, as though in my heart, 'the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High'—that level of consciousness just deep to my thoughts of identity. I ask the question, “Who’s noticing this? Who’s watching?” And there is the recognition of a level of awareness behind all my thoughts. This recognition makes way for a river of love to flow into me; a sense of the vibrant permanence of love, forgiveness, and providence streams in. When I find this refuge, when I take a moment to lean my consciousness back into this awareness, there is peace.
Chelsea recently had her third baby and has moved to Glenside, PA. She appreciates the time for reflection writing this column makes her carve out. She is an assistant editor for New Church Connection and an editor and writer for New Church Perspective.