This essay draws attention to the silence within the church around the widespread use of pornography. This silence is either a complete denial that people within the church have this kind of struggle, or an inability to confront these issues with openness and integrity. The author calls on us to provide compassionate and safe help to people engaged in this behavior, because so much is threatened when we look the other way. -Editor
Pornography. Simply typing the word awakes strong feelings. I can’t help but worry who might look over my shoulder and see the condemnatory letters on my computer screen. Pornography is a dark word. But it is because of this that I want to open up this topic and talk to you about pornography; darkness can only exist when there is no light.
According to The Porn Trap, a guide to overcoming porn addictions by Wendy and Larry Maltz, in the US alone, forty million people visit porn sites at least once a month, 25% of all internet searches are for pornography, and under eighteen is “one of the largest consumer groups of porn” (4). And further, Porn Nation by Michael Leahy states that the average age of first exposure to porn is eleven to fourteen (114).
While these statistics in themselves are disturbing, they take on a whole new meaning when they become personal.
I entered college, Bryn Athyn College, full of the ideals of New Church marriage and family that I had grown up with and was now able to share with friends. So when I discovered that this community was not immune to pornography, when I had several friends reveal to me that they had, for years, struggled with pornography and that they still struggled with it, I was frightened. Pornography wasn’t just a problem for the non-religious; it was present in the lives of young men who had grown up in the church, who came from solid and loving families, people who shouldn’t be susceptible to it, right? Not long after these discoveries, I learned that my younger brother, barely a teenager, had been dealing with this problem since 5th grade, when a young friend told him which sites to look up on the computer.
The internet makes it devastatingly easy to access porn. As I said before, average first exposure happens between ages eleven and fourteen, that’s grade five to grade eight. From there, it grows until, according to Porn Nation, 80% of teens fifteen to seventeen years old have exposure to hardcore pornography (114). This dark path which so often starts simply as curiosity or naiveté so quickly becomes more. Pornography is deeply addictive: some researchers say that the ‘buzz’ from viewing porn is as strong as a high given by crack cocaine (Porn Trap 19). This buzz is something kids can be susceptible to even before they have the hormones that respond to sexual stimuli.
This addictiveness combined with its accessibility allows serious problems with porn to be so common. It is important that we understand how easy it is to be caught in the trap, yet we cannot lose sight of the damage it does. So, how then can we deal with porn?
I believe there is a balance that needs to be struck: we need to offer a compassionate hand, make a space in which people who suffer from this can come and not feel that they have failed their families or ideals of what it means to be New Church—a place for healing. And at the same time, this should be a place that acknowledges porn as an evil, not just a social problem—a place that can be used to support eradication of this evil. The message of compassion tempered with zealous opposition to porn is what, I think, can start to change the way we, as a church, approach this problem. It is not some strange, worldly problem that only weak-minded men fall in to, it is a pernicious evil that creeps its way into principled people’s lives and sends down deep roots.
Let us end the silence surrounding pornography, and instead take up arms against it! Simple measures such as firewall protections on home computers, laptops and cellphones, monitoring of children’s internet and cellphone usage, immediate professional help given to those who are even in the beginning stages of addiction, and even just general awareness of the extent of the problem, can begin to change the problem. The porn users I have known were resistant to seeking help because it is difficult and frightening, and everyone wants to believe that if they just try hard enough, they can overcome it, despite the mounting evidence that that fighting alone is not enough. And so the message that outside support—from groups, parents, professionals or ministers—is practically the ONLY way to remove this addiction needs to be hammered home. There is no shame or defeat in deciding to get better weapons with which to fight your enemy.
The people I know who struggle with porn are crippled by shame; knowing it is wrong, hating their need for it, and yet continuing to turn to it for years and years. And because pornography is so seldom addressed in our church, because it is so rarely mentioned or protected against, people who fall into it can so easily feel like there are no lifelines. And if there are ways that young people in our church can get help for porn addictions, as a young person, I am not aware of many.
But we can change that. Friends, the danger of pornography is real and increasingly alive, threatening to reach into our lives and our children’s lives with ever growing ease. We can make a difference, if we take action: preventative measures, spreading awareness, and support to those who are fighting. The battle against porn will be long, but it can be won because when we struggle against this evil, we do not struggle alone:
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Support for men, women, teens, couples, families:
XXXChurch
Faithful and True Ministries
Every Man's Battle
Sexaholics Anonymous
Focus on protecting children:
Safe Families