Reflecting on her years working with autistic children, Mary explores what it means to communicate on a natural and spiritual level. Just as autistic children struggle to communicate for basic needs, all of us struggle to open ourselves to communication with the Lord. -Editor.
I have spent much of the past seven years working with children who have autism. Through my work I have learned a great deal about what autism is and how it affects the people who have it and their families. One very interesting idea is how to teach a child the purpose of communication. Before we can learn to point, sign, use picture communication or talk – each person has to come to the conclusion that they are interested in something and that communicating about this with others will be useful and perhaps enjoyable. This happened for most of us long before we can remember. But for some of the children with autism with whom I work, that connection hasn’t formed. As therapists we set up the environment in a way that requires communication to get desired items. I know very well that Joe wants his lunch when he sits in his chair or begins to cry and yell. But he needs to communicate with me before I will give it to him. For a nonverbal child, who has no means of communication, we have a second therapist sit behind him, form his hand into a point or a sign and also model the words as he makes the gesture. We do this over and over again until he begins to do it independently. Sometimes he also begins to imitate the words and is then able to make verbal requests as well. Does this mean he understands the purpose of communication?
Joe can now point, sign or say, “I want food.” He gets his needs met. He might say many words or tell you often about his favorite topic despite your lack of interest in trains or dinosaurs. Is my job as a therapist done? I think communication is much more than the words we can say to let people know what we want. When I think about the word communicate, I see the root “to commune.” One definition of commune says “to experience strong emotion or spiritual feelings” (www.merriam-webster.com). An example given is “to commune with nature.” So there is something deeper about connecting and feeling emotions that is buried in this idea of communication. This is the piece that often feels missing for a person with autism.
The difference between using words to make needs known and communication is about relationships. Something changes when a connection is built, a bond is formed and the child wants to be part of the world. As therapists we get down on the floor and crawl around. We play what they want to play and we gently add other ideas to help them grow. We make the expectations clear, the activities fun and then many of these children blossom. They don’t always use words or go on to typical kindergarten but something profoundly changes when they want to connect. When they express strong emotions and we respond. When they start to realize that we have emotions too and they respond.
That’s where I started to see a spiritual connection. How many people in this world are walking around with a form of spiritual autism? We think, “I am in this world and all there is to it is what I see. If I figure out the right words and actions to do I’ll get some food, a house and I’ll be just fine.” But there is something more. There is Someone out there who wants to communicate with us. He wants to connect intimately with us and show us that there is much more to this world than what we see literally.
So He gently starts to teach us. Sometimes He has to take our hands and show us the very basic idea. He sits beside us and joins us where we are. He tries to share His joy with us. He tries to open our eyes to the miracles all around us. Then, if we start to get it, we can be opened up to a new connection. We can experience a closer relationship in which we express our deepest feelings to our Heavenly Father and He responds to us. He expresses His love for us and we can respond to that. Suddenly there is much more going on around us than we realized. There are people right next to us that we can also connect with in a deeper way. There is meaning behind what we see happening each day. Life isn’t as literal as we thought.
The Lord teaches us about Holy Communion. He is asking us to communicate and commune with Him. He is presenting an opportunity to think deeply about our relationship with Him and then come forward to invite Him to be part of our daily lives as we take small steps to improving our relationship with Him and others. He teaches us to read His Word, pray and act in useful and charitable ways to our neighbors. As we do these things our relationship with Him becomes stronger. We can understand what He is telling us more clearly and life isn’t just about asking for the food, shelter and stuff we want or need.
I am thankful each day for my experience being a therapist for these children because I am sure they have taught me much more than I have ever taught them.
Mary lives in Willow Grove and worked with children who have autism in schools, communities and outpatient settings. After seven years of very intense work she is taking a break from the field of autism to reevaluate what type of work she would like to do next. In the mean time cooking and traveling are some favorite hobbies. Inventing ways to adapt food for people with food sensitivities is a fun challenge. Having relatives all over the country and the world makes it easy to have a long list of places to go and stay. Up next is a trip to England.