Religious as a kid, Jose turned to atheism when life fell apart near the end of highschool. But after a chance visit led him to Bryn Athyn College, his life changed again as friends and teachers discussed, argued and listened to him, helping him to find the power of religion in his life again. -Editor
God doesn’t exist; if there isn’t concrete physical proof, then that’s all simply a fairy tale, a way for individuals to feel they can control what cannot be controlled.This is a sentiment I loudly exclaimed to my three friends as we all sat around the old couches in Childs Hall one late evening during our first week at Bryn Athyn College. We were discussing the existence of God, Jesus, heaven and hell, and the creation of the universe, though not soon enough it became all about faith and God. The argument was divided in two groups. On one side, my friends: three devoted Christians from different denominations with the belief in the positive impact of Christianity in their lives and the lives of others. On the other side, me: a Catholic-raised individual turned atheist who saw religion and holy figures as a waste of precious time and energy. I believed energy could be better allocated to living a life for yourself and your family and not wasted on religious “fairy tales,” as I would put it several times during the night’s conversation.
The night went on, and the argument got heated. My friends brought the full force of their love for spirituality, their faiths, and their love for the Lord. They asked me questions, not in the hopes of changing my views, but in an effort to at least help me to observe and understand theirs. I, on the other hand, brought the full force of science—found in atheist websites and not in scientific journals—in the hopes that they would give up their “wasteful” ways and just focus on doing good for themselves and others. In my most enraged moment of the night I stated that lives should be lived outside of the “chain-binding, time-wasting nonsense which many people around the world submit to, but that through history and present times has shown time-after-time the tendency to cause wars and create hate amongst people.” Can you tell who was happy and full of life, and who was unhappy and struggling that night? Yes, I’m guilty of the latter.
Growing up, I had a relatively normal life. I was born in Nicaragua, son to divorced parents, where my mother raised me as a Catholic. My mother made sure to pass on her values and faith on to me. Though there were times I had no interest with going to church (Sundays 9:00am—too early in my book) I had no displeasure with my religion or my spiritual life as far as I can recall. At the age of ten, I chose to do my communion. My mom believed, unlike a majority of parents in Nicaragua, that I should choose to do so when I felt it was right. At the age of ten, I was pleased and felt I wanted it. Then at the age of twelve, after wishing for many years to live with my father for the sole reason that I felt I was missing that part of me, my parents agreed and I moved to the USA with my father.
My father wasn’t too strict on religion. He was raised and currently is a Catholic, but though we went to church a couple of times, it wasn’t a thing that happened often and I didn’t feel I needed to since I thought I had a strong hold on my faith.
Fast-forward six years to my senior year of high school, an exciting time in my life; almost done with high school, soon to be in college, and close to receiving my biology degree (update: I studied psychology and business instead, but that’s another story). My four-year plan also included being with the girl I had been with for two and a half years, and perhaps popping the question not so far in the future. Things were looking great. However, two months before graduating, things began to fall apart. My father was getting divorced from his wife and struggling financially. Also, my permanent resident card, you may know it as “Green Card,” had not come through yet and my chances of going to college were slimming down (at this point, nine colleges had accepted me, once they found out I was illegal, three were willing to help). Lastly, my girlfriend and I decided to no longer be together, as most high school relationships go. She had supported me through the tough times, but now I had to fend for myself. Who do you blame if you are a high school kid who had a relatively great life and then out of nowhere it starts to fall and crumble faster then you can say “wait!”? A) Yourself B) Everyone else C) The Lord. If you guessed C, that’s who I chose.
I submerged myself in the deepest and darkest hole that I had ever been in my life. With each passing day, I drifted further and further away from the Lord, pointing my finger to the sky (quite literally) and cursing with all the strength I had in me. I drifted fast and far, until I decided that what I was doing was nonsense, I was wasting my breath on some make-believe entity, and soon enough I found “comfort” in atheism.
Now picture this, an atheist preaching against God and religion one day receives a letter in the mail about a college he has never heard of: small, relatively inexpensive, and no fees to apply. Then, such atheist gets accepted to this small college, and during the summer after graduating decides to visit since his college choices, at this point, are extremely few. No one is around the campus, and he gets a tour from a student in the military, and immediately falls in love with the place. That very same day he decides to attend the college, with the full knowledge that the college is religious. And a week after moving in, he sits down with three new friends and begins arguing about the Lord. Then his life changes again, but this time for the better.
Though that night merely ended in a fight, I found myself questioning once again what I believed. I had not expected nor considered that. As much as I hated it, my friends were right, and I was wrong. I hated the thought, but with each passing day the questions only grew, my open-mindedness began to rise, and my craving for answers became stronger and stronger. I searched for answers, and individuals began helping me find them. A lunch sit down with one of my teachers—Rev. Ray Silverman, a.k.a Coach—helped me realize that my search for physical evidence of a God was blinding me from the message lying within the stories of the Lord. And several religion courses and religious discussions with a different teacher, Rev. Grant Schnarr, would help me see that the Lord is there in our times of struggle and need and holds nothing but eternal love for us.
These, and many other individuals in my life, would guide me strongly but gently to a place where I could feel happiness, appreciation, and love for the Lord. Though during my darkest moment I seemed to have been pushing the Lord away, I feel I was merely waiting for the chance to grasp and pull myself back to a place of peace and love for the Lord—the place I am now. All triggered by a fight on the night that would become the beginning of something I could not stop: the expansion of my spirit. The Big Bang of my faith. The beginning of my Faithful Evolution.
Jose is an alum from Bryn Athyn College, class of 2014. Originally from Nicaragua, his fascination for the world, culture, religions, and people led him to pursue interdisciplinary studies in Psychology and Business. His love for Bryn Athyn College led him to do his senior research on the growth of the institution, where he is now employed as an admissions counselor, a job he truly enjoys. Aside from the college, Jose enjoys community service, talking to his mom, spending time with his friends and girlfriend, and photography—a new hobby he has become fond of.