Snap-Shots of Marriage

In one of her recent, daily "Marriage Moats," Lori Odhner responds to the mystery and questions prompted by Caleb Kerr's photography. In thinking about stories told by photographs, Lori shares her growing view of marriage and its dynamic nature. -Editor

My personal feelings about photography have changed. Drastically.

I used to want only photos of my own children, clean, cute, and facing the camera. Now I think that is vanilla. Pictures like that mark the end of a scene... the one in which I struggled to comb and coax, lick stray strands into place, and hush rebellion into submission. Ta-da. Click.

Not only that, I was incredibly ego-centric. I wanted the snapshots to tell about my progeny, and how they reflected well on me.

These days I am much more drawn to photographs that invite questions, like this one. What are these men doing? Where are they? How does it feel to be surrounded by sand? Who started this game and how long will they play it? Is the wind blowing with or against them? Next time I go to the beach can I try too?

Neither are the most interesting scenes about me. I like pictures of people whose names I may or may not even remember, and can therefore be everyone and anyone.

My taste in images of marriage have changed too. Drastically. I used to prefer to see couples that are youthful, affectionate, and sublime. I don't care if you were sparring a minute ago, button up and look good now. Click.

I am thirsty for images of marriage that make me curious. How will they figure out their problems? Will they work as a team or as adversaries? Can they notice the people within heart range, ready to help them find their way? How did they earn those wrinkles and graying temples? Not only that, I thought my marriage was only for me. It was about whether I am satisfied, and as a subplot, whether John is too. The fairy tale is finished. I found him. Happily ever after. Nothing more worth telling.

Decades into the game I see that my marriage is more about serving others. My children, the people across the street, the congregation we belong to, the community we are a part of are all affected by my commitment to marriage in a way that escaped my near-sighted lens, back when I was more photogenic.

I think I have graduated to a wide angle lens.

Lori Odhner

Lori and her husband John have nine fabulous children. They love to create scriptural music, and to support marriages. You can find more articles and sign up to have daily or monthly "Marriage Moats" emailed to you at www.caringformarriage.org. (You can also browse through the archive of past messages.) She has made over 600 quilts in her life and does not seem able to stop any time soon.