I Doubt It

As a bonus entry in our series on doubt, Owen offers an almost poetic exploration of tensions and conflict inherent in doubt. Previously in an essay called "The Atheist Perspective", Owen shared thoughts on the tough questions a theistic thinker must consider about disbelief and atheism. -Editor

I love doubt. Doubt makes things that are not real, real. Doubt is also the reason for the most painful times of my life. I hate doubt because it separates me from God.

Do I love doubt, or do I hate doubt? Does it matter? Of course it matters. Of course it doesn’t matter. Too many questions. Too many more answers.

Honestly, I love doubt inside myself and hate it inside those I feel apart from. That last statement was true, except for the first part.

I don’t believe that most people need me to explain to them the value of doubt, or maybe they do, but I’m not going to.

It is a depressing subject.

Doubt is a temporary state and it does not help us to dwell on it. It has value in the letting go of it.

I do not value doubt, not right now. Right now, I value faith. Right now, I value the realness of the human God who is with me and protecting me on all sides. Right now, I value that there is NO doubt inside me, and this is the place I have always longed to be.

I don’t doubt that doubt has helped me. I don’t doubt that doubt is necessary, but, please, for this moment know that God is real. There is no doubt.

Owen Schnarr

Hmm... If there is one thing I wish to accomplish in my short time on earth, it is that I serve God without compromise. Some of my other interests include reading the Writings and fixing computers. I have a diploma or something in computer networking from CHI Institute. I am opposed to societal conformity on principle. I think I'm opposed to long term goals as well.

Comments

[Karin Childs]

Well, that about sums it up! I, too, enjoy the feeling of belief more than the feeling of doubt. And yet I know that doubt has really helped my beliefs grow stronger and more real. Thanks for expressing this in such a poignant, to-the-point way!