Meditate | Burning Bridges

“It is our outer self, or the feelings and memory of our outer self, that the seeds of goodness and truth are planted in. They are not sown in our inner self because the inner self lacks anything of our own; things of our own exist in the outer self.

Our inner being holds good qualities and true thoughts. When they seem to have departed, we are then shallow, body-oriented people. Still, the Lord stores those things up in our inner self without our knowing. They do not come out of hiding until our outer self dies, so to speak, as frequently happens in times of trial, misfortune, grave illness, or imminent death.

The ability to reason also belongs to the outer self. In its true character, that capacity is a kind of bridge between the inner self and the outer, because the inner self directs the outer, body-centered self by means of it. But when the rational mind consents [to self-dependence], it separates the outer self from the inner; so that we no longer know the inner self exists. As a result, we also fail to see what understanding and wisdom are, belonging as they do to the inner realm” (Secrets of Heaven 268).

I can make a practice in awareness out of how I am using my rational mind: whether I am using it to connect to the inner self or to block myself from it. My rational capacity needs to be honest and willing to humbly do the work of clearly stating what the inner self has to say; it needs to serve as a clear bridge and just communicate the message, without commentary, even though my outer self is terrified and just wants my rationality to keep serving it through stoking the fire of its negativity with corroborative thoughts. My rational mind needs to be a bridge and not a fire-stoker.

My rational mind tends quickly toward self-dependence when I don’t make time to read the Word. Over the past seven weeks since our son was born I’ve been predominantly in the experience of seeming detachment from the inner self.  I also haven’t had much time for reading the Word and even less for reflection. My posts before our son’s birth were all about learning about the dynamic between the outer and inner self. These last seven weeks have given me ample opportunity to live those teachings and experience trials that to me are all little “deaths” of the outer self steadily making way for goodness and truth to flow in from the inner realm more freely.

Brewing resentment is a hallmark of my rational mind having consented to self-dependence, blocking the bridge to the inner realm; it’s the best stuff for fire-stoking around. Recently, it was the first of the twelve steps (from the Twelve Steps program) as used for becoming free from resentment that showed me a way out: “I am powerless over my negative thoughts and feelings.” This simple statement was a message of truth making its way across the bridge. It contains within it the premise that I am not my negative thoughts and feelings. If I am not my negative thoughts and feelings, then what am I? I am free, free to choose a different tune to live by. I am powerless over my negative thoughts and feelings—I cannot control their constant din—but with the Lord’s power I can see my resentment for what it is and be free from its grip because I am not it. Using my rational mind to acknowledge this truth, the way to the inner self widens and the binds of resentment are loosed. I’m sure I’ll be given the option to take them on again very soon, but with this brief respite I feel renewed strength and confidence in my ability to handle the confrontation, keeping the way of the bridge clear and remembering the Lord’s Word. 

Meditate | Meditate in it

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Joshua 1:8

This ‘Book of the Law’ is the Lord. I have a small but growing sense of this. The Lord is the Word. The Word is alive, as opposed to my mechanical and reactive ego, which is dead. And by ‘dead’ I mean lacking the Lord’s life (charity and truth), which is obvious when I witness that it is only interested in itself and its own benefit. The Lord is all goodness and all truth. This is why it makes sense that I would need to meditate in it, because I, of myself, am not the Lord’s goodness and truth.  Without the Lord’s presence as the Word in my mind I would not be capable of observing what is out of alignment in my life. When blessed with his presence I can ‘observe to do all that is written in it.’ I trust that walking this way will be prosperous, as it says in Joshua, because the alternative is so dire. 

Meditate | Arise

“After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, it came to pass that the LORD spoke to Joshua the son of Nun, Moses’ assistant, saying: ‘Moses My servant is dead. Now therefore, arise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them-the children of Israel. Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you, as I said to Moses.’” Joshua 1:1-3

 I have been meditating on this scripture for a few days now. I began listening to the sermons given by David Millar on the book of Joshua, and they have enriched my perspective greatly. Millar describes the transition of consciousness that takes place within the individual who begins to bring attention to the quality of their inner landscape. This is represented in the Word by the shift in leadership from Moses to Joshua. Now that Moses has died, Joshua represents the Lord. It says, “Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you.” The sole of Joshua’s (the Lord’s) foot is the literal sense of the Word. I have been thinking about the word ‘tread’.  It evokes a certain pressure and contact. Every place inside myself, or every state that I find myself in, that I bring the Word to bear upon, the Lord has already given me. It gives me a sense of the Lord’s real power, and I am enjoying witnessing that power in the infinitesimally small way that I can.  But, I must arise, wake up, and engage the Word in my inner life to witness anything at all.

Meditate | "Come, buy and eat."

“Ho! Everyone who thirsts,

Come to the waters;

And you who have no money,

Come, buy and eat.

Yes, come, buy wine and milk

Without money and without price.

Why do you spend money for what is not bread,

And your wages for what does not satisfy?

Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good.

And let your soul delight itself in abundance.” (Isaiah 55:1-2)

The Lord is calling everyone to come to ‘the waters.’ I interpret ‘the waters’ as his very being, but more specifically his complete expression in the Word. Although I don’t completely understand it, I love how it somewhat nonsensically encourages those who have no money to come and buy without price. I am given an image of over abundance: an open market in early November at the peak of the harvest. This is a picture of what the Lord is offering to us all the time. It is a picture of who he is. I read ‘eating‘ as accepting and assimilating, and thereby becoming one with what is offered. In this case it is the Lord’s goodness. This is corroborated by the word ‘listen,’ which I associate with obedience. Spiritually speaking, if we do his will- if we eat what is good - we will never go hungry. In fact, if we let ourselves, we may even delight in abundance.

Meditate | In Both Summer and Winter

“And in that day it shall be that living waters shall flow from Jerusalem, half of them toward the eastern sea and half of them toward the western sea; in both summer and winter it shall occur. And the LORD shall be King over all the earth. In that day it shall be—‘The LORD is one,’ and His name one (Zechariah 14:8-9).”

“Regenerate people go back and forth between having no charity at one time and some charity at another. This is clear to see because everyone, even a person reborn, has nothing but evil inside; all goodness is the Lord’s alone. Since the regenerate have nothing but evil inside, they cannot help seesawing, living now in a kind of summer (in charity) and now in winter (no charity). These cycles exist to bring them into increasing perfection and so into increasing happiness (Secrets of Heaven 935 {2}).”

What I take from this, is that the Lord is king over my whole life, no matter what it may look or feel like. His love is spreading out in two directions at once. This is true whether I feel it or not. The Lord is one. I may be two (living from love at one moment, and then acting out of fear the next), but he remains unchanged. What grace! 

Meditate | An Inner Lens

“The lens through which the One represented is to be seen, acknowledged, and believed is that of inner qualities, namely, charity and the faith that springs from it (Secrets of Heaven 922).”

“They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads (Revelation 22:4).”

In meditation my intention is to turn towards the Lord, the sole being in heaven and on earth. What my mind is often focused on instead are my own self-centered preoccupations.  These include, but are not limited to, fears and concerns, plans for the future, what I am going to do about lunch, etc. When they hold my attention I cannot see past them. The hope is that as I recognize and turn away from my limited self, the Lord will give me a new will, but I must take actions to support its growth. When I draw on the qualities of his love, then I see his face.