Spirituality in Relationships

Meryl and her husband Diogo both come from deeply spiritual backgrounds but the shared elements of spirituality between were not necessarily what she expected while growing up. In this article Meryl explores her evolving understanding of what it means to have spiritual alignment with another person. -Editor

What does it mean to share a spiritual vision with your partner? As a person raised in the New Church, I grew up hearing about conjugial love and the importance of finding somebody who shares your beliefs. As a child, this meant to me that New Church people would naturally marry other people in the New Church, since they shared this special connection to Swedenborg and his wonderful teachings. I remember once overhearing my parents talking about a woman that we knew who was struggling in her marriage. I asked what they were talking about, and they said that it was a great source of sadness to this individual that her husband showed no interest in the New Church, and did not want to come to church services with her. I found this hard to believe. “How could you fall in love with someone who didn't like the same things you like?” I asked them. They smiled a knowing smile and told me that it happens to lots of people. That stuck with me for a long time. I was determined that I wouldn't end up like that woman, but how could I be sure? What did it really mean to be spiritually aligned with your partner?

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There is No Such Thing as "Just Friends"

In this challenging essay, Jennica directly confronts the idea that there can be close, merely platonic friendship between men and women (outside of family relations). Jennica draws on the work of Dave Carder to make her case that infatuation needs to be seen for what it is in order to protect marriages from infidelity.

Just Friends

Jane and Ben spend a fair amount of time together. They hang out for coffee a couple times a month, speak on the phone every once in a while and message each other on Facebook. When asked if they are dating, they both insist they are “just friends.” This term is quite common in today's culture, so much that one might actually believe there is such a thing as a friendship between a man and a woman. In fact, I was a believer in such friendships until I reached a point in my life at which I began to look more closely at the friendships I have had with men, and also the friendships of people I know. It occurred to me that in every case what appeared to be a friendship was really infatuation. Thus developed my personal theory that there is no such thing as “just friends.”

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We, Distinct from Our Teachings

Derek challenges the reader to examine the dissonance between actual teachings in the church, the culture surrounding it and the community of believers by looking at three pertinent examples. He argues that we are often not clear enough about what mean when we use the term “church.” Through an exploration of the teachings about acceptance, use and marriage, Derek seeks to start a conversation in which people learn to see what is taught in distinction from what is culturally absorbed. -Editor

Consider this: when you think about the New Church, when you comment on it or complain about it, when you praise it or when you hate it, to what specific reference point is your action directed? In other words, what is the object of your complaint, praise, or thought? Is it the people in the community around you? Is it the doctrine itself? Is it an interpretation of that doctrine? Often the concept of the New Church is lumped into a conglomerate whole and we fail to challenge ourselves to define and delineate its separate aspects. In my view, there are three primary components of the Church: the teachings, the organization, and the culture. As people of the larger New Church society, we need to recognize these as distinct elements in order to build a healthier community, and ultimately, to better align them.

Think: where do they not align? Where has a cultural trend supplanted a doctrinal teaching? In such an instance, would we even be aware of the shift, or in our oversimplification of the definition would we be blind to the difference? Let’s take a closer look at how this pertains to a few specific and fundamental New Church principles: acceptance, use, and marriage.

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Protecting Ideals and the Reality of the World in which We Live

From a mother's perspective, Stephanie asks the hard questions about balancing ideals with the challenges of reality. Stephanie is insightful and penetrating in her questions but remains gentle in her conclusions as she acknowledges how difficult and personal the struggle is for each person trying to make the best choices she can. -Editor

The New Church offers beautiful teachings with unadulterated ideals about marriage. Something I struggle with is how to hold and protect these precious, perfect ideals I've been privy to have an awareness of, and how to love and accept myself and others in our imperfect states and world. Specifically, I struggle with the ideals of conjugial love and the myriad ways in which it is adulterated. Some questions that arise in my mind include relationships outside of marriage (including homosexuality, cohabitation, pre-marital sexual relationships, open relationships, etc.), the spectrum of the presence of mothers, and the roles and specific duties of men and women within marriages.

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